Feedback recieved for my screenplays so far -
Spiritual Connections The Series;
Terrific opening images conveyed in your descriptions. Ditto the arrival of Mary. ‘Mediums do it with the lights off’ – funny opening one-liner – and also the “hungrier ….” ‘than you know what line (can’t give away all your funny lines in this review) can I? I was going to comment on tightening up the rather long lead-in but then it occurs to me – I see this as an English comedy Series and so with that being said characterization is really important, so imo, I'd leave it the way it is. Onto page 11 and 12 – you’ve got me laughing here – some great examples of comedic dialogue flair (then again it may be my sense of humour) – we Aussies and Brits tend to be on a similar wavelength. Still I think this comedy is pretty universal – more reviews will tell the story. Ok, and the silly stuff continues on – really, really impressive. Overall, a really entertaining read with some really well executed comedic moments and great one-liners. Libby
Interesting idea and quite different from Heavenly Intentions in both content and intent. Have to say, impressive too. Good well rounded characters that seem genuine. And there's a lot of laughs to be had. The bumper sticker is bloody funny. And Mary's a fine comic character, the funniest as she has no intention of being amusing. You'll get grief for the end, understandably, however I think the end is a real touch of genius. And I save that word for special occasions. This is a vast improvement on its predecessor. I for one say well done that man. Re
You do write dialogue rather eloquently, it may be because of your british background. There isn't the usual Americana slang that often peppers most of these scripts. From my point of view it is a little refreshing. I think that is why it appealed to me the most. As a piece your ending was nice. From my point of view I didn't think it was jarring. All in all good stuff. Inquiringmind
I thought this was really funny and I hope you're planning to submit it. Anyway, really funny script Craig and Mary was hilarious throughout, she's a great character. Alffy
It was funny, and the dialogue was realistic. There were some nice little touches - Gladys and her unfortunate tea making habits, for example. Enjoyable - and it made a change to read a story in which the Medium is not portrayed as a fake. Niles
Fucking well pissing myself laughing here. Excellent. Oh Craig. You got this game down to a tee with one. Can't stop fucking laughing. I need a break. Back soon...Very very good work fella. I'm gonna read it again if I get pissed off just to cheer myself up. It really is a ridiculously funny script. Oh I was laughing out many times. Having somewhat of a dirty mind helped. I could see a lot of the gags coming which just made it better. Re
I was wondering if this was going to be the same kind of thing. Mary telling a few funny stories but actually you released a bit more background on the main characers and I hope you continue to do this in future episodes. Mary was her usual hilarious self and I liked how you played out Iona's story. Again I breezed through this and it was thoroughly entertaining. Are you planning on writing more? Good work Craig. Alffy
I like how you've now given some backround on Mary. I love how her mum is an alcoholic too lol. Another great episode Craig.
I can tell you have real fun writing these and I love reading them. I don't want to sound pushy but you better send me the next episode lol. I'm lovin em now. Alffy
So I finished part II and may I say - seriously good work, dude. I think the genius of this is not just its premise but the setup. It requires very little heavy lifting on the part of the audience - and the writer, for that matter - and allows us to just enjoy. Now I ask those who haven't checked any of these out yet to take advantage of the bump here. You won't be disappointed. AJR
Very good. Great humour, good material. It definitely has the legs for a continued run, it could go in all sorts of directions. This is good stuff. It's the kind of material I really like. I can already imagine all sorts of future story lines. RICK
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Erm. I am actually almost speechless at this point. Very good. Pissing myself. It's like a Jimmy Carr joke that's so filthy or cruel you laugh and then "oooohh" which is his favourite reaction. Oh Craig. You remind me of Frankie Boyle. He too has no idea that there is a line in the sand you don't cross. You and him don't even know there is a line. You're way outta the sand and into tropical forest going "What line? Don't talk shite!" All good work by the way, thoroughly enjoyable. And very very funny. Keep it going... Having read the next few I know fans of this are in for a treat... In other words there's little I can fault apart from some minor grammar gripes. And I love Edith. And Mary is pretty good too... Read it. It's the funniest thing I've read in ages. Re
Wow, the lads from the UK are really producing some 'excellence' by way of 'series scripts' lately... Thoroughly enjoyed it Craig - some terrific cracking me up laugh-out-loud moments in this ep. further characterisation and defining of characters - Mary on home-turf; Joey... Classic stuff mate! DF would be mad not to take the role. L C
I'm fast becoming a bit of fan of this series. The dialogue draws me in and in a couple of minutes I'm sat in that bloody HALL! lol. I enjoyed this. Keep em coming mate. Malcolm3
A gherkin! lol, sometimes Craig I wonder how you come with things like this? You seem to hit the mark every time with the subtle images of the seedy side of things... I've breezed through another episode and I got to say I was impressed again. You've got a funny sit-com here Craig. I think I read a post that you see Dawn French playing the part of Mary? As soon as I read that I thought, definately see her as Mary. Another great episode. Alffy
Great script and good progression.... As for the gherkin.... I wonder where it comes from myself. I have one in the kitchen. Looks a lot different now. Hmmm. Wherever, keep doing it... And, having seen how it continues, I do say to all fans of comedy to read this series from the very start... Thoroughly recommended. And it's rare I say that about anything. Well, apart from alcohol and that 'special interest' club around the back of the bookies... Well done lad. Good luck with Spiritual Connections. Now there's a series that deserves filming. Re
Hey funny and unique stuff, like it. Mary obliviously tearing apart relationships at her job is consistently funny. Anyways impressive series so far, look forward to the last two. Jackx
I’ve read all four of these much quicker than I thought it would take me, and I must say, I did enjoy all four. The humour was spot on. Very British, most of which might be alien to American readers but they are not your intended audience. You made me laugh quite a bit. You made me laugh a lot, actually. Some of it was so over the top, like Joey and the gherkin in episode four, while there were some nice small touches of comedy, like the car bumper sticker in episode one. There’s a good mix of comedy here for everyone, if Mary’s public readings don’t make you laugh, I don’t know what will. Good luck with the future episodes, I will be sure to read them. Oh, and screw the Writer's Room. They waste our License fees to produce sh*tty programs year in, year out. They have proven they don't know a good thing when they see it. 1987Brian
...your character Mary was written very well, and so was the rest but I like her the best. I didn't expect to laugh too much when I started reading the series but I did. You thinking about expanding this one day? You know, to something more? Ghostwriter22
Well you know I'm a fan from way back dontcha? Have just recently read eps 4 & 5 and the development of the series just gets better and better. Added bonus to the comedy and your spot-on dialogue is that nice touching moment between Iona & Sam in Ep 5. and Iona's roll in the hay with the 'stud'. I'll finish by echoing 1987brian and Allfy's sentiments that the Writers Room obv. don't know talent and 'originality' when they see it. They've got it wrong before - we know that! Let's just hope they're a little slow on the uptake, or that a better offer will come your way. Would be great to see this filmed. Good luck mate. LC
The medium being presented as genuinely gifted was a nice surprise, and the audience reactions to each revelation were, to my ear, precise and perfectly timed. I think your writing style is excellent, every description is exact, the dialogue sounds convincing. The humor is well paced so there are no dull sections.
Your writing far out-classes your subject matter, although with the right actors and actresses this could be a successful production - maybe it already is.
CMH
I read the first episode and I really liked it. The premise of an alcoholic medium is one you should be able to mine for quite a lot of story!
I also liked the ending a lot - seriously good twist. And I don't think it changes the tenor of the piece at all, since Mary seems to be set up to be irretrievably unlikeable. All in all, very well done and my kind of humor. AJR
So. final part is finally here. Firstly, congratulations on completing it. This script is pure England - with all it's pecularities. About time someone wrote a UK sitcom that actually has some proper laughs in it. A lot of excellent plotting going on here too. Just the right side of a shitestorm and still funny... I dunno how you do it, but you've sailed pretty close to dodgy territory and managed to stay on course. I've read this three times now and I'm still laughing. If it was me I would have offended a stack more people. I doubt I have been able to make it any funnier either. Brilliant end to a brilliant series. I do hope this gets picked up. Well done lad. REN
Well I'm sure you know by now how much I've enjoyed this series. A really dark end to the series, I didn't see that coming... and you left it on a knife edge too. I enjoyed and it was a fitting conclusion to a great first series...I hope 'first' series lol. ALFFY
I really hope you will think about revisiting Mary at some point in the future as she was a lot of fun. Gonna miss her. And a huge and well deserved congratulations my friend! CRAIGER6
For me, this was the strongest episode of the entire series. There is some funny dialogue in here. REALLY funny dialogue. Not only did this episode keep the plotlines moving along, I thought it was the funniest yet. The first few episodes maybe focused more on the comedy and Mary's character than anything else. The last few focused more on the Iona storyline, with the comedy taking a bit of a backseat but still present. This episode, the balance is absolutley perfect. I can't begin to tell how much I enjoyed this one. One minor complaint... the ending. I know most will disagree with me, but I'm just not really sure about it, you know? It was shocking... You can take that as a compliment as I've really taken to Mary's character and I'm still shocked. If this was your aim, it works 100%. Good luck with this series. TV really needs something like this for a laugh nowadays. BRIAN
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Heavenly Intentions;
Your writing is solid and to the point, very direct and practical which is a good thing. The story built gradually and I was hooked to see where it was going to lead. The dialogue is probably the strongest facet of this for me. The exchanges were very real between all characters and i think you succeeded in hitting right emotional notes without overstepping the line and descending into melodrama, cliché or just plain cheesiness. Great dialogue and well structured prose make this a decent read which left me anyway, thinking about for a while after the closing lines. Col
Good ending. Good plot. The misdirection with Kevin's character was very effective. This is what audiences like: A satisfying but unexpected ending."
Kudos. Gary
Well. What a nice little ending. I didn't see it coming either! I thought that Mary would turn out to be getting a real message and recommend someone else! How it turned out came as a pleasant little twist! I'll try and catch up with some of your other scripts if I can as I really am enjoying the way you write. Niles
Wow, I quite liked it, it's one of my favorites of yours so far. I think the ending worked perfectly, I didn't see it coming at all.
Very nice job ... Ophilia
...really enjoyed reading it. JC
Got to say I really enjoyed this, it was well written...I'll hold my hands up and say I thought the ending was going to go the way of Kevin misleading Mary into convincing Danielle of the love between them, but, your ending was much better and I honestly never saw it coming. There was some real emotion in here and the twist worked well. Nice work mate. Alffy
I liked this one a lot and was expecting a different kind of twist at the end. Really nice story, and Mary was a good character too.
HarrietB
Well, I got the twist first time, and I've got to tell you, it gave me shivers up my spine. Very few movie/script twists can get this reaction from me but this did. I thought it was a fabulous ending to a well crafted story. I'm eager to read what you came up with for the series of this. Good job. 1987 Brian
I just came across this one and wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed it. I didn't see the ending coming. Also, I thought the dialouge was great. I always enjoy the English vibe. Craiger6
Really liked this one. Fun read. Very 'Sixth Sense'. I know I've only read two of your scripts -- but I feel comfortable saying, I dig your style. Nice and lean. Good dialogue. Over-all -- you're a good writer. Keep perfecting your style, I think it’ll separate you from the pack. Crazyartist
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Emergency Service;
I really dug the script. GREAT twist! Should have seen it coming but didn't. Great use of dialogue setting things up so you could come back to it later. I thought the woman's behavior was a little off for just losing her husband but my horror-tinged mind thought she might be a black widow type luring him in for a kill. I knew SOMETHING was up but didn't see the obvious, which is the mark of a great twist. I thought the script was real solid and make a great short film. Stevenaz226
I for one did not see the twist, though I knew there had to be one - good job from that standpoint! AJRScreenworks
Nice and funny twist. Good read. Michel
This is one of my favorite scripts ive read on the site (simplyscripts.com) so far. its clever, well written, and very witty. in addition, the dialogue is very natural and flows nicely.
i look forward to reading more of your stuff. kudos to you sir! Albinopenguin
GOOD JOB. And keep writing. You seem to have a flair for it. Ledbetter
Easy and very fast read. Good Job! Muse32
I really enjoyed this, man. Totally had me going, fantastic twist. Obviously Maria's immediate reaction to the news of her husband's death was a little suspect to say the least as was her subsequent designs on making with the cop, but even so I never saw the end coming, brilliant. Kolcurtz8
This is a great and enjoyable little short as it stands. Nice one. AA
This was well written and a fun read. Tonkatough
Good job on the script and nice read, Craig. Harrietb
I liked this one, a simple plot with a nice twist at the end. Kaycee
good job, it was well worth the read. Mg
... this was great, I thoughally enjoyed it. I wasn't sure where this was going but the ending crowned it off for me. It really was a surprise to me, I thought it was gonna be a strange comedy but it of course turned out to be a more innocent romantic comedy. I don't even like romantic stories but this was excellent, good stuff mate. Alffy
Second script of yours I've read. You've a knack for telling an interesting and catchy story, for that congrats.
I didn't see the twist coming, I should have done but I didn't. Had me laughing...this a great little script. Re
Interesting story, that's a kink I havent heard of...definately a nice job, quick fun read. Ophelia
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Playing God;
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Four;
Wow. I really didn't see the end coming. I think that's F**king ace!
I really enjoyed that dialogue. Felt real. Good work....You did well with the two couples attitudes to each other. Most would have had each couple acting similarly. A fine decision you made....Craig, you're a filthy boy. Good work here....Seriously, tighten it up and send it the Beeb. I've got details if you need them. They accept unsolicited scripts and give you ten pages to grab them. The BBC will read it. Great little script Craig. I'll be keeping an eye for your work in future. RE.
Brilliant Craig! Can;t wait to see more of these.... I think they're really original..
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Loved it mate... nice twist at the end.. Wayne Fullwood |
The writings definately good... a good story. Ophelia
I enjoyed it, keep it up. Jackx
